I don't know that I've ever done a blog about sex - but, since my wife and I just finished up a Couples Retreat this past weekend, and one of our topics was titled, "The Sex Talk" - I thought I'd post some thoughts. (As a side note, I'm sure the blog traffic will increase since I'm using the word 'sex' in this post...on another note, we are not marriage counselors or sex therapists - but we are a couple that has an amazing marriage in every facet!).
First, I should say that for WAY TOO LONG Christians have avoided the "S" word - they don't talk about it in their churches, and many don't talk about it in their homes. Most are uncomfortable discussing it...I have several thoughts as to why...but I'll save that for perhaps a later post. Suffice it to say, sex is beautiful and God-designed to be enjoyed between a man and woman in the context of marriage. In fact, it's pretty amazing and should be something cherished, looked-forward too, and protected.
Here are some of the points that we highlighted this weekend:
1. Your sex life should move beyond being boring or predictable – spontaneity!
2. Avoid the “Time Bandits” (technology: emails or texting, phone, TV, or surfing the net; work: too many hours at the office; one-sided relationships w/people who constantly take; Children - you have to work together on this one) Make time to make love…
3. Date Night – Fuel the fire…Be creative – It doesn’t have to be expensive, just intentional!
4. Talk about it – define expectations (and keep talking about it!)
5. Atmosphere…mood, music, candles, etc
6. Don’t compare your spouse to others (models, athletes, celebrities, etc) - this helps protect your spouse and your marriage - do you see a pretty lady or a 'hot' guy...sure, but what VALUE does it add to comment and compare?
7. Goal should be to please each other. Prefer one another!
8. Men - Sometimes take time…romance; Women - be willing to be quick
9. All 5 love language NEED to be expressed in your sex life – (words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts (lingerie…buy some, plan a dinner date)
10. Sex begins before you ever get to the bed room...it starts with the way you communicate, you serve one another and the way you honor one another. My wife tells me that "I'm sexy" when I vacuum - maybe you think this is just a trick to get me to vacuum - works for me!
Now, let me go back to something I mentioned early on - most pastors don't (or won't) even mention it in their church...here's what I mean - I know that there are some churches that have used this topic to create almost a "shock value" in their community - that's NOT what I mean. However, I do think it should be taught about even in church just as tithing/giving, communication and worship are taught.